No one is innocent, not in our eyes, nor in their eyes. Our tribal tendencies are at their height.
I have endured close to two weeks of self contemplation within arms reach of my soul's land, Iraq, and I have endured the fighting urge to just pick up and go back every day. Its stronger than ever before, maybe because I know that this year is going to hold something very important for Iraq and its people. 2008. Let me clarify:
1958- Abdel Karim Qasim's military coup
1968- Baath party military coup with Hasan Al Bakr
1978- Saddamn begins his reign
1988- The Halabja massacre and the End of the Iran-Iraq war
1998- The UN inspections fiasco and "Operation Desert Fox"
This year, I will hold my breath. And I fear for the worst.
Since I last set foot on my homeland in 2004, things have successively gotten worse and worse. The WORST part is that we are being lied to right to our faces. How could George Bush say that the war has made the world a better place on the 5th year since the start of this mess? Does he really think that we are idiots?
In the past 5 years, I've seen things happen to my loved ones that I never thought could happen. The death threats, kidnappings, internal displacement, the fight for refugee status, the struggle, the exile, the murders...
And thats just me, my family, our five-year history.
All that and I'm not even talking about the psychological effects and the post-traumatic stress that every single Iraqi suffers from, born out of the "Shock and Awe" that they were forced to experience for a futile and ridiculous cause by the Bush Administration. As we were told. However, it would take the deaf, dumb and blind not to realize that this plan is rooted in history... Imperial history has been intertwined with Iraqi history for the past century. And it intends to be for the next century. This is a carefully studied plan, and they did not choose Iraq haphazardly.
Read your history, educate yourself on the true intentions of American presence in Iraq.
In conclusion............ I'm bitter.
I'm bitter because I still can't visit my soul's land. I'm bitter because I can no longer visit my home because there are strangers living in my house, going through my family photo albums and "acquiring" the only connection I still have to my homeland.
I'm bitter because there is nothing I can do to help my family that is still struggling in Baghdad because none of our Arab Neighbors accept their presence anymore.
I'm bitter because our Arab Neighbors make it so damn apparent that those who did make it into their promise land have clearly overstayed their welcome.
I'm bitter because I still can't taste, smell, and live within my soul's land.
I'm bitter because there is nothing left in my soul's land.
Nothing.... no humanity, no pride, no cause, no respect, no innocence, no beauty, and no heartbeat.
I am a proud Iraqi woman, and I never thought I would ever say this. But I'm afraid that my bitterness has enveloped me beyond abayas and poosheyas.
Iraq is dying and No One is looking for a cure to its disease.
No one is innocent. Not our neighbors in the East, the indifferent in the West, the American military, the US administrations (all of them), and especially not our own Iraqi brothers and sisters. Even our children have been stripped of their innocence.